lonely days are gone yet i will be living ALONE.....

For the last 12 years I have lived with a man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. a kind gentle souled man. A man that wore his heart on his sleeve at all times. Cried at watching Little House on The Prairie. Adored baby kittens and puppies.

Would roll on the floor laughing and start crying because we were laughing so hard. But now days that all that seems to come out of our mouths are negative rude comments to one another. 

I call our home right now the Jail and all the blinds the jail bars. I feel this way because He refuses at times to take me with him when he goes out shopping or just kind of bumming. some of his excuses are his back hurts, or it is to cold for me. I want to SCREAM let me be the judge of it is to cold for me.

I never went looking for a relationship. but there he was one day. I thought. I would go for it forced a first by a friend. him too.  now it has had domestic violence, verbal and emotional abuse. I scream in my head WHY WHY WHY!!!  BUT NOW, FREEDOM IS CLOSE.... I feel very sad that I look at  it as freedom being close, or I am getting out of prison. this was suppose to be my home to. my safe spot to lay my head and rest. never to feel afraid when I lock the door but I do all the time. peace is coming......

As far as my Ex, I do not wish anything bad for him. I want him to know I will always be there for him. anytime he asks. I will always care. I forgive for all that you have done to me. please ask Jesus for forgiveness that is way more important than my forgiveness.      Alone can be a wonderful thing... taking care of your needs for yourself makes you feel good about yourself.......